My first day on Clen...

An article on Clenbuterol

I woke up this morning eager to try my new hopeful fat loss miracle. I injected a half mL of the Clen/Yohimbe (equivalent to 20 mcg) into the flab right above my hip. It did not hurt at all-although being a recovering heroin addict, needles don't bother me the least bit. :-) I also have a few family members with diabetes, and have some experience injecting a boyfriend with steroids, so I know the proper way to inject. Maybe I should be a nurse with all my experience, hahahaha!! Ya right, I can't pass friggin' medication.

I was expecting a rush, of course, being the ex drug user I am, but I didn't get it. Nothing. Hmmn. A few minutes later I realized I felt jittery and anxious, like I had taken entirely too many diet pills. I went to the post office to pick up my Robaxin, and my hands are shaking trying to sign my name on the screen. The guy working there told me to "enjoy my Viagra" haha. (Last time I was there he commented that he asked a guy what he was picking up and he told him Viagra...barf. At least someone is getting laid.)

The ol' vulv is tolerable today-it seems when my TMJ and back/shoulders rage, my vulva feels better and when my vulva rages, everything else is fine. I know this Clen stuff will certainly make me clench my jaw and stuff, which is why I am taking the Robaxin.

FMV-F*ck my vulva :-)

Because I am impatient and like to eat...

I have obtained a few vials of Clenbuterol/Yohimbe for an anticipated anxiety-ridden journey for fat-loss. I am entirely too impatient to wait for it to burn itself. I also love to eat and can't fathom starving myself to get rid of these blobby fat areas among my saddlebags and between my badonk-ka-donk thighs.

Anyhow, "Clen" supposedly had some publicity years ago and was allegedly used by celebrities to get their thin, fat-free figure. It comes in oral (pill and liquid) and injection form. I will be using the injection form starting tomorrow. I am currently around 5'1'' and 119 lbs. Since lifting I feel like a fat burning machine-but I could use some assistance.

Some information about the Clen cycle.

I heard Retin A is the solution to my facial issues.

I likely suffer from a case of body dysmorphia. I can't help but stare passing (especially attractive) females down, analyzing every part of their appearance and viciously comparing myself.

After a break down about my horrendous facial skin issues, I made the decision to order a few tubes of .05% Tretoin (more commonly referred to as that Retin A stuff) from one of my trusty, um, illegalish online pharmacies. Hey, they send me a few Viagra samples with each purchase...how can I resist?

I googled the stuff for hours. I certainly do not want to make the mistake I made in 7th grade when I was prescribed this stuff and burned the hell out of my sensitive face. I am far to vain for that-although I realize I will experience some peeling, redness, extra zit buddies, and sun sensitivity. I vow to not allow my alcoholic brain let me over-do it (if some is good, more is better!!...This clearly is not the case with Retin A). 

My best friend Facebook messaged me yesterday telling me her face looks like a "supreme pizza". I asked her "why are we so pretty but have skin issues?"

I have been using the stuff for a week, every other night, applying a teeny tiny amount 30 minutes after I wash my face. My face is tighter and peeling a bit around my jawline and I have a few new annoying zits, but I am also experienced hormonal rage right now due to the soon arrival of my period. I am anticipating a major atomic skin attack in a week or so, but I don't think anything can be worse than the morbid breakouts and scabs I experienced when I was getting high. Ever seen a meth addicts face on tv? My favorite friend heroin did the same thing to me. Pick, pick, pick!

My Vulvodynia

My entire life revolves around my vulva. I open my eyes around 7:15 every morning and wait for the burning to begin. Then I think "is it going to be a good day? Is it going to be a bad day?" and I wonder how my vulva will control the things I need to get done in the following hours.

Living with vulvodynia is a fucking nightmare. I have never let something control me so much other than my addiction and alcoholism. You know when you have had a terrible day and you just want to go to bed because you have hope that tomorrow will be better? There is no hope with vulvodynia. Tomorrow the burning and itching may be tolerable for a few hours, and it will allow you to laugh and temporarily enjoy life until it comes back with a fiery vengeance and reminds you it hasn't left. Or tomorrow may be so painful you can barely stand and are scrambling to get out of work to have a complete melt down.

The advice I get from people is one of the most irritating parts (besides the constant anal and vulvar and vaginal irritation!) "Maybe you have a yeast infection?" "Maybe you need to change your detergent?" After living with this for 3 years they don't think it is possible that I haven't exhausted all my possible options?

I understand that it is hard for people to empathize and sympathize with this condition. It causes the biggest amount of stress in my life and I am left to think about how life would be if I didn't have to live with this.